On-the-job Feminization

MtF transition is a most difficult process and you have this problem called 'gender dysphoria' (techinical name for people like us with the desire to change sex) you need to serioulsy consider other options before living full time as girl and going through facial feminization surgery, sex reassignment surgery plus everything else -- all  very very TROUBLESOME.  

At the end of all these, it is so very difficult to find  decent job with your new sex identity. Most of the trans girls I know end up doing the same job I am doing now -- as escort or sex services provider-- because there is no other option.  

For me there was never a choice I was raised at home as a girl and I had a female puberty even before my castration in December 2013. My body stature is horribly small for a boy, as you can see from the size comparison in the picture below. 

There is no hope and no future for me as a boy because even with a full cock I was never ever able to have an erection hard enough for penetrating a girl. The two men in the picture are my former teaching colleagues and as you can see in comparison to them I look exactly like a child. 

Most of my clients, especially my students and teaching colleagues, like to make me CRAWL on my hands and knees, so that at their standing positons, they can put their legs on my back.....use their toes  to naughtily tickle my asshole, pussy and leftover penis-turned-clitoris....and most importantly they can toy with my small feet.  

I have my mother's small feet and because Papa never allowed me to do outdoor exericse since the age of 13, I have been wearing size 5  ltttle boys shoes since then. My students and teaching colleagues like having me booked as a pair, so that in turns,  one can toy with my nipples while the other can toy with my little holes and penis at my butt cleavage. 

And most importantly each man/boy can caress, touch or even kiss each one of my feet. Having my feet squeezed and touched like this sets me on fire, and the heated passion inside my body makes me soooooo hot that I NEED to BEG for being fucked, just to ease the tension down there at my pussy and asshole.

Being humiliated...having my male pride trampled upon... in front of a (young) biological girl is in my view a fast track towards total feminization.

In the six months following my castration in December 2013, my breasts grew significantly, to an impressive D Cup. Yet at heart I still missed my male identity, because when I was a male teacher I felt so proud and dignified, almost haughty because of the good honours degree I had.  

Therefore one day, when Master was not a home to supervise me, my old... supposedly already gone... male pride resurfaced, and then I cut short my hair to make at least my head look male, though there was no way I could be male anymore since I had such large breasts and soft, white skin.

Then as i was admiring myself in the mirror,   Master suddenly returned home from a supposedly month-long trip, and i was caught red handed doing such naughty thing-- making believe that i was still a boy. 

Master believed that i needed to be taught a hard lesson to get rid of my male pride. i was thinking that Master might again use His big hands to spank me across His knees, as He usually did when i was found naughty, but instead He phoned the 19-year-old daughter of His  close friend to come see me. 

The girl had already been several times  guest at Master's home, and i had served tea to her on my knees, but she was thinking that i was just an obedient housemaid.

When she arrived at Master's residence, she saw me in short hair, and was surprised that i had cut my hair that short. Master explained to her that i was in fact a T-girl and had just been castrated for my disobedience. The girl was surprised, saying, ' Skin so white and soft, and so gentle and obedient...a boy !!??'  

Then Master shouted at me, ' Let the lady see your castrated penis !!' My face turned red, and  i hesitated to do such embarrassing thing but then Master quickly stripped me naked, from top to bottom...right in front of the girl...and then when my panties was finally taken off, the girl saw my very small, soft and short penis, without testicles, and loosely hanging, sort of dangling there between my legs. 

The girl laughed at me, saying, ' Tits so big, skin so white and oh oh oh, penis so small...and you still cut short your hair to pretend to be a boy...ohohoh, shame on you !!'  Master then invited the girl to have me whipped butt bare for disobedience...the girl seemed to be used to doing this kind of thing...and then 'bak'...'bak' she whipped me real hard. 

Much of the whipping was directed at my nipples and penis, which made me cry, beg and beg and beg for mercy.

THIS experience, being whipped by a biological girl with me having short hair like a boy's, succeeded in getting rid of my undesirable male pride. Yes i am a girl i am a girl and i must have long hair and try hard to make myself as soft, feminine and submissive as possible. 

For a long time before my castration, I was very boy in my vain attempt to be better, smarter and more successful than my schoolmates and teaching colleagues, so that the transition from the high pedestal that I used to be at to the present, rock-bottom social status of being escort was...and at times still is...unbearable, because it hurts my pride to humble myself that much to please men/boys just to give them pleasure. 

This deep-rooted, undesirable male pride should have been gone with the feminization training I am still going through, but occasionally out of nowhere, it resurfaces, making me simply stand firm on not doing this or that to please men/boys. 

This sort of most undesirable behaviour does not escape the notice of Master and the night club manager, so they think of doing certain little, rather subtle things to feminize me as and when needed. 

That oft-used method of spanking/whipping  can  now only be used sparingly, because as my body becomes more female and ever softer and weaker -- it just can't take too much corporal punishment, because it is found that my skin gets very soft, and easily breaks and gets prawn red, like having inflammation, if I am whipped excessively. 

So  the night club administration encourages men/boys to help feminize me by choosing to have me fucked DOGGY STYLE, with my hair pulled like the mane of a horse...with my butt raised way up like a horse's...and then the man/boy on top of me feels like a rider, a Prince Charming, riding me like a white-skinned horse. 

The look of it...the image as it is seen in pictures...makes me look like a obedient horse with my long hair being handily used as the leash, and this, plus a bit of hand spanking on my butt, does make me feel like a horse, and in this subtle manner, I feel so inferior -- and  THIS inferiority generates the submission and femininity needed for my long march from boyhood to girlhood. 

It does not look and amount to  much, me being used like a horse by men/boys on a daily basis, but it DOES help to make me ever more obedient.

Indeed my boy students now  quite often openly call me 'Little White Horse'  because, oh yes, I DO...especially the way my back is curved and the uptight way in which my butt is held up.. look like a horse as seen in all images and  pictures.

As a university-educated male teacher, I was very proud, because when I first began teaching, I was just 17 years old plus, one of the youngest ever teacher ever employed in Malaysia to teach part time at a secondary school. 

Because of my presumably higher I Q, I chose to purposely bully the naughty, lazy boys in class by making them stand in class....and with full permission from the principal who admired me for my good English....I spanked those naughty boys in class....and when I heard those 'bak-bak-bak' sounds as the table tennis bat I used to spank those boys impacted on their butt cheeks, I got sooooo turned on, so much so that at night, after having spanked one strong, tall boy in class, I turned and struggled in bed, masturbating, and was not able to fall asleep for hours.  

Now the table is turned : I am an escort serving the boys who are my clients....my Little Masters...during those hours when I am booked.

The boys like me to role play as a teacher...albeit a female one...and then they will take turns to have me spanked first, then finger fucked me in my asshole and pussy, and eventually I am fucked in all three of my holes -- my pussy, my asshole and my mouth.

A room at the night club is specially renovated to resemble a classroom, for HUNDREDS  of my young clients are matriculation, secondary and primary students, and they so enjoy having me penetrated, humiliated and then spanked as a TEACHER, which indeed they all know that I really was one, before my castration in December 2013. 

So as old memories of my standing there teaching and punishing the naughty boys keep resurfacing in my mind, I am ordered by the  boys to get down on my hands and knees....always butt bare... always with a male  shirt  on and sometimes with a tie on as well....and then they line up to have me fucked, mainly in my asshole. 

They say that I MUST be fucked in my asshole BECAUSE  I am an asshole, being so stupid as to do this escort work, with my penis having been cut off, and with me speaking such ridiculously poor English to please them. 

And when I am being fucked in my asshole, other boys toy with my breasts...oh so very big, they say...my butt cheeks...ohohoh, so bouncingly soft and smooth they exclaim -- and some kiss me on my cheeks, saying that they are so smoothly soft with not a single stub of beard on. 

They purposely ask me why I can't grow beard, though they should have known the answer, and when I say, 'Me no beer, me no penis.' they have me whipped for pronouncing 'beard' as 'beer' and while having my poor butt whipped, they keep saying, 'Yes a sissy like you deserves  to have your penis cut off.'

As shemales we charge clients a bit more (than biological girls) for our services. Clients need to make sure that we are genuine shemales before they are willing to pay the special rates for our services, so we usually line up ...butt bare...at both standing and squatting positions to give men a good view of what we get at our butt cleavage. 

A few  men want us shemales to have a full cock...with testicles...but most prefer us to just have a small penis, so that we appear submissive and totally harmless, with there being no danger of ever getting on top of them. 

Shemales like me have but a little bit of penis left hidden as clitoris hidden beneath the pussy lips, and men like us to squat over their heads so they can see for sure that we DO have a penis of some sort. When they are satisfied that we are real shemales...boys castrated to become girls...they are more than willing to pay the special rates for our services. 

When   I was a boy at school my schoolmates used to find all kinds of excuses to touch me on my hands, the most usual excuse was borrowing a book, an exercise book or a ball pen from me, so that in the process of my passing a book or a ball pen to them, they could slide, glide, touch or even squeeze my hands to feel their softness. They also enjoyed comparing the large size of their palms with the  girlie smallness of mine.

 Because I had been taking female hormones since the age of 13, my hands remain small and delicate, almost exquisite where my slender fingers are concerned. Now that I am an escort, the boys from the schools nearby...both from primary schools and secondary schools...like having me booked for just 15 minutes at USD 1 per minute, which amounts to  an affordable price of  just USD 15 for a simple hand/blow job (just one job, not both).

Before accepting a massage from me, the boys need to spread open my pussy  to see that my penis is just no more than its tip being turned into a penis-like clitoris....the want to make sure that my own penis, if any, must  have already been sufficiently neutralized so as not to  threaten them ...and THAT is important to set their heart at ease.

The boys say that the feeling of being touched by my small, delicately white hands is very comforting, thereby releasing them from the tension they get from their teachers, especially female teachers.  

Furthermore,  they know that I used to be a male teacher, and that makes them get very hard -- with a raging erection -- even before I get down on my knees to pull down/off their pants to  give them a whole-cock massage with my hands (and if needed,  USD 20 with my tongue).

Ever since I began my formal escort work in January 2014....one month after my castration...my right hand, which used to  hold different types of BALL PENS to do writing in exams and office/teaching jobs, is  now used daily for  massaging  the PENIS at different sizes.  

Because I have been taking female hormones since the age of 13, I had a female puberty which did  soften my facial features and my skin, but it had the undesirable side-effect of making me very SHORT.

I stand less than five feet four inches -- about five feet three-quarters  inches. That made me so very small in comparison to the size of normal boys. I was often bullied and beaten up at school for looking so delicately small, weak and SHORT.

But being short and small NOW  has its advantages since that makes my students...those naughty boys...feel so very happy when caressing or touching my body, which is like a child's. The boys like having my body touched, squeezed and caressed all over with their hands...and then all my sensitive spots are  licked with their tongue...with me being stark naked. 

The boys feel so superior by being fully clothed while I am not allowed to have a single shred of clothing on. They play with me the way  little girls play with their Barbie doll, having me carefully examined with their hands and fingers all over, not missing  even a single inch of it. That makes me feel so very itchy, and I often HAVE to squirt while being touched by these boys when they have me surrounded on all sides with their groping hands.

One of the most difficult parts of my feminization is...still is...learning to wiggle my butt in the right directions and angles to synchronize with the way my pussy/asshole is being penetrated by my clients. As a boy studying at school and university, I only occasionally wiggled my butt as I wandered around at dark streets and back lanes crossdressed as a girl.

 I did not feel the NEED to wiggle my butt cheeks at all, for the simple reason that I was doing everything for free with the men/boys, and if I didn't feel like it, I simply walked off, disregarding the guy who I disliked, whether or not he was having his pants on. But as an escort, things are very different, My clients want to get their money's worth while using me for sex, so they expect me to be able to wiggle my butt to sort of get them aroused while I am being fucked. 

That is easier imagined than done, because in the heat of my being fucked, I simply forget how to wiggle my butt, not to say to wiggle my butt cheeks to synchronize with the man's fucking movements -- those intermittent yet continuing pushing and pulling  motions of his penis inside me. So the night club manager devises a way to help to me get the right movements and rhythms for my butt.  His assistant....one of the assistant club managers...will use his feet to press my head down onto a pillow. My head is then turned sideways, this way and that way, right and left, while I am being penetrated by another assistant club manager. 

My head...and face...get the needed cues to move my butt to the left, or right, when, for example, my head is pressed with force two times. Or I need to keep my butt motionless, for example, if my head is, as it were, pinned onto the pillow by the feet of the assistant club manager, I need to keep still to keep the penis already inside me in place to squeeze it hard by pressing together my thighs.

 It is a complicated set of movements which is  taking a lot of practice for me to achieve naturally, and  that is causing my head to be repeatedly pressed...at times stamped onto...by the feet of the assistant club managers. I still training to achieve these butt-penis synchronization movements, at times successfully, but quite often without success (sigh)!

(Me : Being  systematically disciplined and carefully  feminized by Master  and His friends after the complete  S R S  removal of my penis in November 2015. It was necessary for me to be towed around...for at least an hour daily... with a leash attached to a collar on my neck so I could get used to my new life as a submissive slave girl. )

As ladyboys, whether pre-op or post-op, the one thing that we MUST have is a penis, however small it may be, perhaps...as in my region...as small as possible. 

Some of my ladyboy friends have a full though dysfunctional cock...the men here like our penis to be totally soft and dysfunctional...some have their balls already cut off...some...like me, the minority... choose to retain our penis as a sort of small clitoris hidden beneath our pussy.

The fact is that if we have NO penis whatsover, we may as well leave the job of being  escort, because who will come book us if we look exactly like a biological girl, a typical female escort. 

So when a client comes, he will have a variety of ladyboys with different cocks...some with a full one...some with just a penis...and others are like me with a penis clitoris. 

The club manager will ask us...in groups with three ladyboys each... to spread open our legs...wide open... so the client can decide what he really wants, and what type of ladyboy penis he will like to toy with. My small pee pee...the little cute clitoris beneath my pussy lips...often gets selected, because that surgery was done overseas at great expenses.

Our penis IS a toy, because its only function is to be there to give fun and pleasure to men/boys when they squeeze, touch or even whip it. The clients usually laugh at us, some  contemptuously calling  our penis a 'poor little worm' and, through this distorted sort of psychological twist...a freakish one... by humiliating us in this shameful selection process... they get turned on, with their erection beneath their fly  noticeably seen by us girls even while they are touching our penis to select the one they like most.

 If the client is an old or mature man, this kind of  'penis parade'  with our legs wide open is okay but if the client is just a small boy, I still find this penis selection routine...a required one to please the client...most embarrassingly humiliating.

Looking young...must be young...as young as possible -- this is what most clients want to find when they approach us ladyboys for sex. The most useful way to STAY and LOOK young is through facial surgery.

 That costs lots of money. Aside from the money which Master borrows from the night club under my name, i myself am heavily in debt  to the club for the loans I am constantly in need of having my face revamped to acquire those teenage looks that every man and boy wants.

They want to have  sex with a very young-looking girl, and are ready and willing to pay more for the youngest girl they can find. Fortunately I was born with a very small, light body frame, and my skin is kept young because since the age of 13, I have been staying indoors most of the time, hiding myself from the strong tropical sun so my skin can stay fresh, white and soft. 

Now I am in my mid-20s, but with facial surgeries...sponsored by the loans from the club...and with professional makeup...available free from the club with assistance from professional beauticians....I DO still look young, though I am not a teenager anymore.

To highlight my youth, a schoolmate of mine...at exactly my age but looking like my uncle...men look older as usual...volunteered to help me to make the GIF that is shown below.

 I get these cute red ribbons on my head, so I look cute and young like a schoolgirl, while my schoolmate, with thick glasses on,  looks like my Papa. This GIF is most useful in attracting clients to me, and  i do need to work hard to pay off the loans Master and i are owning from the club. 

i am Master's slave, and working hard to help Him make more money so He can be more man, spending free like a  rich man to assert his manhood...that is my DUTY as His girl and His personal property. Master says that He will like to tattoo his name on my body somewhere...oh i am looking forward to having such great honour !!

Aside from my students, my teachers form the second largest group of my clients, at over 30 per cent. Some get to know about my MtF transition through having read some of my blog posts, and some know about it direct from my schoolmates who are also having me booked regularly, forming another 30 per cent + of my clientèle.

 Some of my teachers are much too old to have me penetrated, and in their 50s or 60s the most they can do is to strip me naked and caress my body. I also give them blow jobs, sucking their soft penis, but am often unable to get it hard. Unlike my schoolmates and students, they never have me spanked for failing to make them hard.

One of the things THIS particular teacher likes to do is to pick my ear, so that the stirring of my ear canal gives me the sort of itchy feeling very much like actual penetration of my pussy. And then these old teachers are very good at caressing my nipples and breasts because of their rich experience with their wives. That makes me feel good.

They often ask me to return being a boy, but I say there is no turning back now because my penis and testicles have both been cut off as punishment for my disobedience and my previous offence of embezzling company funds. 

My younger teachers and my former colleagues....also teachers...are not so gentle. They  say that I need to be fucked hard to be really girl, for what is a pussy for except for fucking. 

So they really enter me most brutally, and my asshole is also penetrated to remind me that I used to be a boy, and a sissy like me well deserves to be fucked long and hard in my asshole.

They bring along a tape recorder to record my moaning sounds as I am being fucked, and I am REQUIRED to beg for mercy, saying in my broken English, ' Sir, you strong...no me fuck hard...me no handle, please Sir.'

And then that boost their male pride...because my body is so  softly inferior and my English is so poor...they get harder and harder as  I keep repeating my begging for mercy. 

In my inferiority while begging I feel so very girl, and perhaps THAT...being humiliated and fucked mercilessly...is what is needed to make me a real girl, which has been my dream since the age of  13.

For me it seemed superfluous...almost comical and theatrical...for me to be in maid's uniform while doing housework. From Day 1 of my MtF transition which started in March 2013, I have been required (still AM required)  to be in the full uniform of a maid when I am doing housework.

 Master sent me to a school for training maids to acquire  basic housekeeping skills. My classmates were all biological girls, and I didn't let them know that I was a ladyboy, because some girls here don't like chatting with ladyboys and we are considered by many to be perverts. I like (still do) female companionship because there is so much intimacy and understanding in girl talk.

But at Master's residence, i didn't initially feel at home at all, especially in the period between mid-March and mid-December, 2013, which was the initial feminization training before my castration. I was not allowed to have panties on beneath my maid's uniform, so that very often, while i was doing cleaning work at the sitting room, some of the sons of the close friends  of Master's would come up to me....had my skirt lifted up...and then played with my penis, which was very embarrassing. 

Those boys like doing 'penis sparring' with me -- with them using their penis to sort of having a sword fight with mine. It wasn't a fair fight at all, because their penis got harder...and very much proudly erect...as the sparring went on, while mine...as expected....remained soft and humbly  weak throughout the sparring. 

There was a rule among the boys that whoever lost in this horrid penis sparring must kneel down and be spanked. That was  a token rule only since I was always the one who lost, for the simple reason that I couldn't possibly win with my 'sword'...my penis...being so soft. So it turned out the I was often the miserably lousy swordsman...the loser...who must always be on my knees to be spanked by the boys for having consistently and  totally been defeated in the twin contests of swordsmanship and sparring.

Master's six close friends....who participated direct in my feminization training...liked having my penis MILKED. I had been taking female hormones at random and without professional guidance since the age of 13, and such hormones didn't exactly prevent me from getting hard or cumming, in the sense that,  although I couldn't have a functional erection in  being able to penetrate a girl's pussy, I could still  through masturbation enabled the hardening process which led to cumming.

 In my early teenage years, between 13 and 17...when my hormone intake was occasional and sometimes even incidental... to suit my crossdressing needs ....my cum appeared thick and opaque like any normal male's but as the years went on, I was taking more and more hormone pills at regular intervals...sometimes as many as three contraceptive pills a day....my cum turned thin-looking and almost watery, sort of like runny egg. 

I started having female hormone injections at my belly....at both sides of the belly...as soon as I had signed the slave contract to become an escort. The daily intake of injection-type hormones worked like  a brake, jamming but NOT shutting off the cum supply of the my cock. The close friends of Master's told me that after castration i would not be able to cum, because the manufacturing centres of male hormone  were in my testicles...my balls...which would be cut off during my castration. Their job was to help me get used to not being able to cum at all by milking off the last drops of my cum loads before the deadline for my castration came, which would be after the first two weeks of December 2013. 

So on that mission statement,  the six men took turns to daily stroke and squeeze my poor penis...made it get hard enough to leak out a few droplets of watery cum...and then each in turn poured icy cold water over my hardening penis to make it soft...girl-looking, as it were...again. Because there were six men, I had to undergo that frustrating...but admittedly still sexciting... process of penis milking --at  SIX times a day ...making my penis hard...making it  leak out a few drops of cum...and making my penis soft again by having icy cold water poured over it.

Sometimes the men took along their teenage sons...some as young as just 12 or 13....to have me milked. The boys in particular kept saying that I looked very 'funny' because I looked like a girl and yet I had a cock that could get hard and cum.  Master had reminded me that i must be polite and obedient to His friends and their sons. So each time after I had been milked at my penis I had to say, 'Thank you, Sir, for helping me to become more girl by getting rid of my cum and making my penis softer and weaker.'

After the  complete removal of my penis in November 2015, I underwent facial feminization surgery to acquire young, teenage looks.  

I am to be re-trained to go back being a child. Master considers this an important step in helping me to get rid of my male pride and dignity. As long as I still think of myself being a mature, perhaps male, adult who has had  a good education and was once a respectable teacher, I can never become a truly feminine, soft and submissive girl.

Right now I am not allowed to read and write without permission. I am only allowed to read those books that are concerned with good housekeeping like cooking, cleaning and interior decoration. I am short-sighted but I am not normally allowed to have glasses on so I can't read and write unless I am allowed to have my glasses back on, which isn't too often -- about once every day for two hours when I go online to do some blogging. 

Looking young...the younger the better..is important for my job as a post-op ladyboy escort, because my youth and beauty are  now needed more than ever to attract my clients to have me booked --now that I have lost...cut off...one on my major attractions, which used to be my soft but cute-looking penis. 

My butt measurement was less than 32 inches before my castration in December 2013. After castration and daily intake of female hormones under professional guidance, my butt has been growing large, softer and rounder over the years and as of today 2 February, 2016, my butt measurement is 38 inches to match my bust size.

I did also undergo  butt enhancement surgery though, with tissues being extracted from my thighs to be implanted in my butt cheeks to make them rounder. To compensate for the loss of my cock...which men undoubtedly liked....I have to show them a pretty, attractive butt which, when I am being fucked,  can swing and move in an undulating sort of way like surging and receding waves.

Many of my old clients are now gone because of the fact that my penis has been cut off, but I don't miss  many of them, as many were my teenage students who just came to have been booked to have my penis punished as revenge  for my having disciplined them when I was their teacher. 

The way they treated me was very brutal and humiliating... very much deflating to my ego even as a submissive slave girl...and I wouldn't like them to come back anyway....but some of them still do come...and keep coming... back  -- and, as  a slave escort,  I still need to serve them ( deep and long sigh). 

After the removal of my penis and facial feminization surgery, I do look much younger with  my innocent childlike  new looks -- and with my hair  being tied up in a pony.  

Many of my clients are  middle-aged men, and some are in fact my former teachers  and schoolmates at secondary school.  My teachers, in particular, come as a routine  to Thailand to have me booked every weekend and Sunday.

When I was a boy at school, my school grades were very good  and that gave my teachers a very good impression of me. As I was a good student, I was never punished or spanked at school, so that among the things my teachers like me to do for them are to allow my butt to be spanked...usually just hand spanked...but seldom with a rod unless I am really disobedient or rude. As I am on my knees and...sometimes in their lap on THEIR knees...being hand spanked, my teachers often tell me that when I was their student, they already noticed that I looked too pretty...too fair-skinned and gentle...to be a boy, and they also noticed that I had had a big round butt which they say they would have loved to spank but for the fact that I was too obedient to ever get punished in any way. 

While I am being hand spanked by my teachers with me being on my hands and knees...but sometimes being given really severe beating on my butt  with a rod if needed be...I often  (be prepared for a surprise) get wet at my pussy, feeling very...not just a little...high. The feeling of being disciplined by my men teachers is good, and I now understand why I didn't feel happy...sort feeling down-hearted... as, in my school days,  the naughty boys got the chance to be spanked in class, whereas I wasn't since I had to be... as required by Papa...  unfortunately  obedient.

This picture shows me giving titty fuck and massage to my former Physical Education teacher. He was very kind to me when I was at school. Although I had been exempted from physical education classes on the plausible  excuse of having a weak heart . I still needed a grade for Physical Education for graduation. so this teacher arranged for me to do just some girl  gymnastics with the girls, and we did that indoors so our fair skin wouldn't be tanned by the sun. 

This teacher...as well as most middle-aged clients...like my breasts very much, because they are large and soft like two cute soft pillows at which their penis rest -- and cum. 

As for myself, I feel happy over using my breasts to serve men. I very much like having breasts. In fact just weeks before my castration. Master gave me the option  to avoid having my balls cut off if i agreed to have my breasts surgically removed. I chose to keep my breasts rather than my balls, because my breasts look so very much prettier in every way.

My former students continue to give me nightmarish experience because they really have acquired many new ideas from watching porn videos online and they want to try those ideas out  on me. One of their favourite games is to take me outdoors, and then they have me stripped naked there to be raped either as an individual, or as a gang in groups of three persons each. 

They like having me fucked out in the open in broad daylight, and that makes me so afraid. They are fully clothed, and can have me fucked by simply unzipping their fly. So if any police patrol car happens to come by, they won't be in trouble. But they always get me stark naked, and if I am caught in that naked state by the police, I will be jailed for indecent public exposure.

 So the night club manager has made it a rule that anybody who likes to have me fucked or humiliated outdoors at day must also pay for at least one night club security guard to accompany me, so he will stand on guard against possible police intrusion...never happen so far but still possible... during those admittedly very sexciting outdoor sex games  that the boys require me  to go through somewhere at an isolated location in the countryside.

My new pussy has been made deep but purposely  NARROW to give more fun and pleasure to men.  But although that really gives men more fun...the narrowness of my virginal canal can create additional --  and much  needed --suction pressure to give pleasure to men's penis upon penetration...it  also gives me more PAIN if the penis inside me is a large one.  

Some men...particularly Indian and Caucasian clients...have a huge penis which is about 7-8 inches soft and about 9 inches (!!) hard.  But my pussy is made so very narrow and tight, so I just can't help moaning in pain and I simply have to beg for mercy...asking the men to be more gentle...when I am being fucked. Yes I like being fucked as otherwise I wouldn't have dressed as a girl to find sex at night when I was a crossdresser.

 But as an escort, I am fucked an average of ten times a day/night. and sometimes a strong penis can stay inside me for as long as 25 minutes...rock hard and unstoppable...pushing in and out..I sometimes think of pulling THAT out --but don't dare to do so for fear of being punished or whipped by the client. Yes my work is tough, but I need to work harder still so when I grow old I can have enough money to set up my own small business somewhere.

Throughout my MtF transition, Master has been (still does) very strict on me, so that I need to make great effort to be as soft, gentle and obedient as possible.  Throughout  the long period from March 2013 to November 2015...when i still had my poor little penis on me...i had been whipped repeatedly for disobedience to men/boys. 

For a long time....especially during the eight months immediately before my castration in December 2013...I really thought in a very male way, which was that it was my RIGHT to get hard. Indeed I needed to get hard to get the pleasure of ejaculating my cum loads which, though minimal in terms of quantity ...just a few small drops...created great pressure inside me. I must get hard to cum. But the first and most important rule I must obey was (now....fortunately... no more, since my penis is finally gone) NOT to get hard without permission. Master never gave me THAT nor did the boys. 

So indeed i  was often painfully whipped by Master, his close friends and their sons for getting hard without permission.  Being whipped and spanked is now part of my work as an escort. Normally only a wooden pad...for example a table tennis bat...is used on my butt to make it red to give men the needed arousal. But if a man/boy is willing to pay a very high, special rate...about ten times the normal fee charged...he can have me whipped with a rod. The additional fee is to compensate me for the my loss of income during the period of my recovery from the pain. 

Most clients who booked me to have me whipped with a rod are rich, middle-aged businessmen, but occasionally my former students...still teenagers because when I taught them they were just in form 2 or 3...are still the ones who ENJOY having me whipped on my butt with a rod.

 The humiliation of being whipped with a rod by my teenage students still drives me to tears...I still can't help sobbing while being whipped...I beg them not to come back and have me whipped like this....I was after all their teacher...and I beg,'Please allow me to have my panties on while I  am punished !' I reminded them when I had them spanked, they had trousers and under pants on, and it just didn't look fair since I was being whipped butt bare. 

But they often answer in this way, 'We are boys and we have a penis ...and so we can wear trousers...if you can wear trousers and take your penis out of the fly, we won't have you whipped butt bare.' I tell that my penis has been cut off already....for disobedience...and night club rules won't allow me to put on trousers...I must be in skirt. So however I argue there is no use...in my work as a submission escort, I can't avoid being whipped on my butt -- as long as the client is willing to pay the required special rate (sigh).

Since my facial feminizaion surgery to make my face more childlike, the number of clients who have me booked is increasing steadily. Which means in a way quite unfortunate for me since  those of my students who have left me to book other girls...because of the removal of my penis...are also coming back. They are now again lining up to have 'Little Teacher'  booked.

 My clients in general have been told that I am being trained to be ignorant and stupid, and if I can't answer their questions on some general knowledge they are entitled to have me fucked in three different postures to their liking, and they can have me fucked...at no cost to them...in my face or in my asshole at a minimal, token fee of just USD 10.

 The night club manager has noticed that I have been having an ever fewer number of clients since the complete cutting off of my penis. I am no longer as attractive to my clients as I used to be when I still had a small penis for men to stroke or suck to give them pleasure. Having said that, I am making a strong comeback as a post-op ladyboy escort because my revamped, teenager looks.

Because I am not allowed to read and write except when online to do my blogging.... to seek release from my tension...when my clients ask me to read certain written passages to get the information needed for asking me the three questions the night club allows them to ask me for free, low-priced services, I have to tell them that I am in training to be a slave and I am not allowed to read. 

That never fails to turn my clients on...particularly my former teachers and students...because in my past life as a student and teacher, I was known to have read lots of books. Therefore, I am to allow myself to be fucked in three different postures at the choice of the clients because of my failure...by default because of 'inability' to read ...in  giving any  answer any single question. Some of the required postures are hard indeed...with me being suspended upside down for my client to have me fucked from above as he is standing on top of a tall stool. But generally, clients...particularly middle-aged ones...are very kind towards me, and  the lotus style...with me sitting on top...and the doggy style...with me on my hands and knees...along with the missionary style with my legs being stretched wide apart for a frontal penetration of my pussy...these three styles are most preferred by my clients -- with the doggy style...with me being in collar...and the lotus style...with me turning and twisting the man's penis while on top of him...being immensely popular with respectively, young teenage clients and middle-aged clients.

Clients like giving me a bath before I am fucked. Normally they will spend nearly 30 minutes on having bathed for a two-hour appointment. Washing, rubbing, cleaning, cleansing and drying my breasts, pussy, butt cleavage, asshole and butt  would take up over 80 per cent of the my bathing time.

 Clients like to make use of this bathing time to spread open my pussy to rub my penis-like clitoris to  get it blown up to full size to simulate the penis erection illusion. They find it very interesting...of great fun...that I am having a little bit of meat inside my pussy which looks so very much a mini penis.

 They always ask me where I did my surgery...I told them I did it in Paraguay in South America, and the surgery was performed by the descendants  of  German Nazi doctors who migrated to South America after World War II. As long as the men/boys know that I have this little bit of penis still left INSIDE my pussy, I will be able to hold them to become my steady clients.

 When I was a castrated shemale escort, I used to be able to earn USD 200 for an hour of service, but now I am sometimes earning less than USD 60 for an hour, inclusive of having my butt spanked. It is much more difficult for me to earn money now that I have completed my MtF transition. But I think it is still okay because I don't like having a penis in between my legs...like a little piggy tail...for the rest of my life.

 Furthermore, since I no longer have a penis, there is no more penis for sadistic men/boys to have my penis whipped or punished by having it immersed in hot/icy water to make it shrink in size to please them. It wasn't fair to allow my penis to be punished in such painful way. I have said good-bye to my penis...90 per cent of it anyway...and am glad the 10 per cent left of it...that tiny bit of penis-like clitoris...is resting in peace and security inside my pussy.

With my penis being finally gone, I MUST sit down or squat to pee like any girl. That has always been what I got used to doing . Even in those days when I did have a penis, I  chose to sit down to pee at the toilet or anywhere outdoors, because I believe that girls have to sit down to pee to look feminine. 

When I started being raised as a girl at  13, Papa had my cock wrapped up tight in bandages to force me to sit down to pee like any girl. At first I found that inconvenient, and quite often tried to pee standing up. When that was discovered by Papa, he would have me whipped and then I had to do corner time.  Once I didn't do my cooking well....preparing a fish for Papa that tasted really very bad and too salty...Papa had me whipped for poor behaviour and required me to do do corner time for two hours afterwards. After I had done my corner time, one of my neighbours visited Papa with his young son aged just 11, three years younger than me...I was 14 then... but looking  much bigger and with very  dark skin.

 I was in shorts and my neighbour...a man of 40...soon noticed that my legs were white, smooth, slender... and without hairs... like a girl's.  And then the boy said, 'He looks like a girl...his hands and feet are so small...his skin is so white.' He stretched out his hand to touch me on my hand when I got down on my knees to serve him tea --as I was generally required to do so when there were house guests. I found the boy's behaviour most impolite -- and I  poured the tea onto his naughty hand. That made the boy cry out in pain and my neighbour asked Papa to have me punished. Papa then told the boy to take me into the bedroom to punish me in any way he liked while he and my neighbour...that middle-aged man...continued chatting at the sitting room. 

When I was alone with the boy in my bedroom, the boy shouted at me and ordered me to kneel down....I refused and kicked him at his feet. He cried out in pain and rushed out to ask his father for help. Papa was angry -- not because I had attacked the boy, but because my behaviour was just too boy and too aggressive. Papa asked me to drink three full  big cupfuls of water, and  asked me to get down on my knees...he was determined to have me humiliated so I would lose my male pride and become more feminine and submissive, which was the way he wanted because he wanted to raise me as a ladyboy...and he so loved ladyboys  : he was often on holidays in Thailand to have sex with them.  Papa then apologized to my neighbour for my bad behaviour, and offered his son...that naughty 11-year-old boy...to have me spanked butt bare.  

The boy was given a table tennis bat and I was told...shouted at...by him to have my shorts removed for my butt to be spanked. I burst into tears, asking Papa for forgiveness, but still I must take the punishment. When I had taken off my shorts, my neighbour and the boy saw that my cock had been wrapped up tight, and they asked Papa why. 

Papa said that at home I was treated like a girl... I was not allowed to go out of the house to play like other boys...I must do housework like a girl....and I must sit down to pee like any girl. My nighbour rushed up to me and removed my tight cock bandages, letting loose my small, drooping penis. He noticed that on my butt there were some lash marks...he asked me why. I told him in tears that I didn't do my cooking well so I had been whipped. My neighbour took pity on me and asked his son not to have me whipped.

 He punished me by asking me to wash the boy's feet. and then afterwards allowed him to sit on my back for 10 minutes with me being on my hands and knees. He would then hand spanked me on my butt while he was riding me, his horse. That was very humiliating but Papa liked the idea, and so I crawled around the room on my hands and knees with the boy having me spanked with his bare hands...not necessarily too painful...but very humiliating since the boy was so young...and I was also a boy, a much older one at that . 

While I was crawling around...with the boy calling me his 'white horse' since he said that my skin was so white...I felt the need to pee because I had drunk three cupfuls of water some time ago. I  told the boy I needed to pee...the boy took me to the toilet to stand to pee. I couldn't do it since I had been trained since childhood to sit down to pee. Papa laughed and told my neighbour and his son to take me...on my hands and knees...to the backyard garden where I could squat to pee like a girl. I was finally able to urinate while I was squatting on the grass...I was relieved...as the boy watched on, jeering at me, calling me a sissy.

Now years afterwards, that same  humiliating scene is continuously played out   -- almost as daily occurrence.  Some of my clients like taking me to the backyard of the night club so they can see how I pee as a girl. Many young boys have never seen how a girl pee, and their fathers...my clients...take along their sons, some as young as nine or ten, to watch me as I am sitting down or squatting to pee at day in broad daylight, outdoors.

Quite often, as I am urninating outdoors.... at the request of a client....I feel so inferior and embarrassed. I wish I had been born a real boy, so I could grow up to be a real man.  But the fact is I had never been normal as a boy....I had had no wet dreams as a child, and if I wanted to get hard and cum, I would need to  imagine myself to be a girl being stripped naked to be raped by a bearded, strong man. Perhaps this kind of life...being controlled, disciplined and fucked by men...is my destiny and I have to accept it -- now that I am a girl.

I have tried to see if I keep my hair short, I could  be more attractive to those clients who have a special preference for escorts who look like boys. But such men are limited in number and have very idiosyncratic tastes which I don't enjoy.

 Therefore I chosen to grow and keep my hair long to appeal to a wider spectrum of clientele. One thing you may not know if you are a man is that women's hair grows very fast, because our ...I should entitle to use 'our' now, in any way you look at me...hair growth is accelerated by the female hormone esotrogen. When I cut short my hair to prepare for my penis removal....or pussy construction...surgery, on 3 November, 2015, my hair was very much like a boy's, barely covering my ears. Now in just about three months, it has grown back to not just reach shoulder length, but my hair is already floating at my back. I should think that...with myself having been a boy...female hair growth speed is at least double that of a man, and that is why women enjoys more flexibility in hairdo designs than men do.

It is now an indisputable, established fact that I am a girl. You might have noticed that somehow some T-girls don't LOOK normal, the way biological girls do. That is because while some T-girls do look 100 per cent female, they do not take the trouble to learn to ACT and BEHAVE in a convincingly feminine manner. That makes them look in certain noticeable ways sort  of odd, looking exactly like a girl, bu acting  and behaving  like a boy, which isn't what MtF transition is  all about. 

I have now fully embraced my new life as a girl, and  to that end I spend long hours, day and night, in front of the mirror to practise...and hopefully acquire... those facial expressions that are typically feminine. 

 Among other things, girls simile in a different way from boys and while we are lying in bed to have sex with men/boys, we need to make an effort to conscientiously display... through our body language...  that miraculous  feminine mystique that no modern drugs can bring about -- which consists in  the twin magic wands of  feminine charm along with   primitive sexuality that  have their  roots in our...as girls.. being able  to act and behave in  accordance with those exclusively...and uniquely...  feminine, soft, gentle and submissive manners that have been holding men captive since the beginning of time.

Hello, everybody...this is Jennifer, your hostess at this blog. I note that most girls in my part of the world like making this V-sign, which you perhaps many biological girls don't know, represent a pussy being spread out to invite men to enter it. 

Among the most difficult  feminine manner to acquire is that feeling of shyness, sort of being coy and reserve, which men want to see in me when I am being fucked. Basically I am anything but shy and reserve, but men/boys just like to see that I am like THAT to be turned on.

The following are the facial expressions I have learned to show while having sex with my clients --

My nipples are  for me the major  triggering mechanism by which I attain orgasm since early childhood. Having them touched caressively by the hands or fingers of a man never fail to turn me on. 

But that inner feeling of excitement, that burning desire to be touched there at  my nipples, cannot be allowed to be expressively seen by any man, because men are by nature active  hunters and conquerors, and the success of their primeval desire to hunt for a mate....a woman, that is...is to be shown by breaking the resistance....real, symbolic  or fake...put up by the women/girls they want to conquer and then control.

 So when  a man touches me on my nipples, I HAVE to draw back my whole body a bit, and then cover parts of my face...but only just... to  make him  know that  he is in control. He needs to be made to  feel my inferiority because  the best I can do... while he is  removing  the last bastion of my resistance which  is my bra...is to  to helplessly moan and  tremble.

And,  while being deprived of all my pride and dignity by being stripped totally naked...while the man is still in the   dignity of being  fully clothed, with more pride being sometimes added to that by  holding in his hand a rod if he needs it to spank me afterwards...I try my best to boost as and when needed  the male pride of my client, because he  needs to feel SUPERIOR  to get that needed rock hard erection to have me fucked . 

Sometimes I am treated and fucked  like a little schoolgirl deservedly punished  for disobedience...and quite often I am treated  like a naughty dog...or any cosplay role as the case may be, like being a slavegirl in collar and chain. 

By making my skin as soft, smooth and white as possible, I strives in my best efforts to present myself as an obedient puppy well deserving of   firm discipline -- with me being collared,  humbly on my hands and knees and  submissively  exposing my butt cleavage with its holes to await  my needed spanking, humiliation and penetration at the hands of the man at whose feet I kneel.

All such feelings need to be carefully manipulated and then fueled  to full  intensity at just the right moments, and I am trying really hard to master the techniques of monitoring the extreme finesse of such subtlety. I have been improving such techniques since my castration. 

Prior to that, I had to tell you that  I was often whipped by my clients...especially my teenage students...for the unimaginably poor performance of making their penis very weak before they even began to undress me. When the boys wanted to squeeze me on my breasts, I brushed off their hands, and when they wanted to pull down my panties to see my small cock with its baby-sized 2-inch penis, I shouted at them, calling them perverts. I often had this idea in my mind : these boys had to say 'Good morning sir' when I entered the classroom to teach them as a man, how could they possibly  treat me like this now...after all I  had been their teacher !

  Since my castration, I always tell myself...before I get down on my knees to be fucked, spanked or humiliated by men...that I am now a girl, and isn't it true that.... all over the world, even at this moment I am writing this paragraph... untold millions of women and girls...of different nationalities and races... are being fucked and disciplined in many different ways...sometimes really  very weird ways...by their husbands/boyfriends in the bedroom ?

 So okay, I tell myself, these are the things girls SHOULD  do every day. Now that my cock has been cut off, I am no more a boy, and it is just correct that I need to be fucked and disciplined by men because they are superior to me at any moment of my life, whether I am boy or girl -- because they have a penis that can get rock hard, whereas mine...while I still had it...oh poor me...just wasn't even allowed to get hard.

In my teenage years I sometimes did get quite hard after masturbation, but Papa had me whipped really hard for getting hard...very painful...so in my days as a shemale escort, I was so afraid of getting hard as soon as men/boys take off my panties to fuck me...being whipped at my penis for getting hard is soooooo  painful...so you now understand why I must cut off my penis to avoid such painful punishment. 

While awaiting...all alone...  at a room for  a client to have me fucked in all my holes...my mouth, my pussy and asshole...I need to make some preparation to create the needed stimulus by which my client can get the needed erection for having me penetrated.

 In those days when I had a penis, most of  the men I had sex with never really gave me permission to get hard. There was in my view this twisted feeling in the minds of most men that their male pride has its strength and stamina derived from having my penis suppressed to total submission, and that submission was shown by making  my penis smaller, softer, and weaker through having it  squeezed, pressed  --or sometimes even whipped. 

 But while men never hesitated to have my poor little penis punished  for getting hard ...oh,  thankfully it  is gone now... they do show the need to feel... and see... that my nipples get hard . Nipples that are hardening symbolically reflect to men their success in making me feel interested in them. That interest... in  the view of most men ...SHOULD  spring from their  irresistible sexual magnetism. I need to make men feel that they DO have such sexual magnetism which they take so much pride in. 

So before I serve any client, I need to caress my own nipples first...to  tactfully get them turned on...so as soon as they are touched by men, they will spring to life, turning hard and standing erect at first notice.  Indeed, not every man knows how to caress my nipples  to make them stand erect to attention...and boys...that is my former students...seem never able to do that-- there is a general lack of realization among people of the male gender that if  too much...excessive... force is used  on  my nipples , they will most definitely  RETRACT rather than expand .

Many men do have an erection problem, and the best they can do is just to explore the outer perimeters of both my pussy and asshole. In the days before my sex change, my asshole used to be the only point of entry to my bottom, and that was almost too tight for many men, particularly men who are in their 50's. 

Even boys in their teenage years have difficulty in penetrating my asshole which is (still is)  rather tight and small. I have found that the strength and stamina of a man's penis has  very close connections with his job nature.  Workers doing very detailed, minute work, fine and subtle like embroidery...like  office/bank workers and workers in different hi-tech departments of  the electronics/computer industries....tend to have a much weaker penis than that of blue-collar workers involved in manual labour  or outdoor work. 

 Physical exercise, particularly that which involves frequent movement of  the legs ...seems  to be important for having a strong erection. Those fair-skinned, soft-spoken  boy students of mine who used to  sit at the school library  all day to study... and do very well in their academic work ...perform quite badly, almost disastrously, in bed  -- while those dark, coarse-skinned  naughtily loud-mouthed  boys who played different sports all day.... never did their home assignments ...and failed repeatedly in tests and exams...indeed those who I used to look down upon and were accordingly often sent to detention for poor discipline and disobedience...can fuck me  like a real man in all my holes mercilessly,  with brutal ferocity. 

Strangely, when I am spanked, humiliated and then fucked by such naughty boys...so very poorly disciplined  in class and yet so very 'man' in bed ...I am so turned on. Indeed, when I still had my testicles with me...when I still had a full cock...I used to leak out two or three droplets  of  watery, thin and runny-egg-like   cum while I was  sucking their penis with my own penis being bound in a cock cage or simply held down with my own hand to show my submission. After  my balls had been cut off, I felt that my penis was hardening...though not standing erect...while I was being fucked by such boys  -- who always had me whipped with a rod at my butt for having been so strict on them when they were my students.

 Now, with my newly constructed pussy, I feel that I am getting soooooo wet all over my pussy when these strong, naughty boys...but NOT those sissy, obedient, hardworking boys...order me to take off my clothes so they can check whether my skin is white or smooth enough. If my skin is not white and smooth enough, they say, I will be whipped with a rod they hold in their hand. When I hear THAT...which is that I will be punished if I am found to be not soft, feminine and submissive enough like any obedient girl...I feel so excited that I get all wet down at my pussy.

Having said all that, I HAVE to moan and beg for mercy as soon as I get the feeling that ANY man or boy on top of me is already doing his best, however weak he may be . My moans and pleas for mercy make my client feel that he is a real man, and by such seemingly  natural...but in fact  sometimes forced... movements as  my hands tightly grasping their arms ...having my hands close in fists...and covering my mouth with my hand....and so on...I show the man that I am APPRECIATIVE of his proud manhood, and the cum loads he showers on my body are gifts of grace that I so very much enjoy receiving at my breasts, where my heart is.

(  Picture Below : An important part of my facial feminization surgery was the removal of the last remnants of the beard stubs entrenched deep inside my inner skin, medically called 'lower epidermis', in the forms of hair capsules which could NOT be removed by simply having female hormones injected direct into my chins or jaw. 

Those hard-to-die hair capsules must be removed through electrolysis administered direct at my jaw and chins by a trained electrolysis operator. In addition, a plastic surgeon needed to slit open the insides of my mouth...at spots at which the hair capsules were based...to thoroughly root out those capsules in one surgical swap, sort of mopping up all the hair capsules once and for all. Once my beard stubs had been removed from the outside...by electrolysis...and from the outside...by a (horrible) surgical operation...the beard skin pores, originally quite large and unsightly,  all closed up neatly like magic. Consequently, my jaw and chins are now very smooth-looking, almost silky to touch .   It is is now so very hand-soothingly smooth and soft there  -- with no visible pores, and of course no unsightly dark  5  o'clock shadows left over  by really ugly-looking beard hair stubs.

One of the things my clients...especially my students...enjoy doing is to ask me to kneel down at their feet, with my face raised way up to greet their rock-hard penis -- and with my now 39-inch D Cup breasts fully exposed, being made easily accessible to their groping hands. They will then use their rough, big hands and fingers to feel the exquisite smoothness of the skin at my jaw and chins, and that smoothness and softness  never fails to turn my clients on, particularly when a picture of mine...as a bearded male teacher teaching at the classroom...is shown on the television screen at a corner of the bedroom.

As shown below, one student of mine lavishly praised me for my pretty looks.  While pointing as my old, truly ugly image as a bearded teacher shown on the television screeen, this 15-year-old boy client said, 'Teacher, you look so much prettier without beard.' Which is the sort of comment that  makes me feel so proud and happy.)

Since my sex reassignment surgery and facial feminization surgery in November 2015, I have been trying hard to look, act and behave like a teenage girl to court back the large number of clients I have been losing since the removal of my cute little penis, which used to be my  major attraction.

 With the right facial makeup and with my hair bound and pulled together in a pony/ponies, I do look convincingly a teenage girl. Master has put me on a strict diet, so that my weight has dropped from 105 lbs to around 95 lbs. and I underwent skin bleaching and laser therapy  to make my skin white, soft and clear without blemishes to make me look younger. 

Now when a client has me booked, I will meet him dressed in frilled, brightly patterned clothes usually worn by teenagers, and perhaps in my view sort of like travesty, I am holding a stuffed toy of some sort...Hello Kitty or Teddy Bear...in my arms to give men that big ego trip of going to have a virgin little girl deflowered. The client will normally ask me to strip naked in front of him..or he may choose to have my clothes taken off by himself....and then he will get me on my knees to be spanked, in the way naughty little girls are punished for not doing their household chores properly. 

After I have helped my client to live through this fantasy of having a little girl punished butt bare, I will invite him to give me a bath, and the sight of my neatly cut pussy slit...very neatly cut indeed like being being sliced into two pieces, left and right, by a sharp knife...usually turned the man on.

 He will spend as much time as he has booked on giving me a bath, and that will be followed by being fucked in any hole of the man's choice, and in whatever compromising posture that is of the man's liking.

Made up like a child, I get down on my knees to await being spanked by my client. Clients need to have a 'reason' of some sort to have me spanked.  The most obvious reason for having me spanked is my stubborn refusal to use any word  in any language...Chinese, English, Malay or Thai...connected with 'fuck' as a verb. 

Men so  very much like using this word 'fuck' in their conversation  that they believe that it is almost a crime on my part not to join them in using words like 'fuck' in my own conversation . I keep explaining to them I am a girl and I cannot fxxk...and even while I still had a penis, I couldn't do that...'fxxking'...because my penis was too soft and weak. This kind of explanation from me is a sure guarantee for me to receive, as the men say, my well-deserved spanking because I am naughty, impolite  and disobedient in not JOINING  them in using foul language.

  But Master has taught me never ever to use the word 'fuck' and if He knows that i am using such word  in my conversation with clients, i will be given  whole-body, suspension whipping, which is indeed very very painful because not a single spot on my body...including my butt cleavage...is spared. Being spanked with a table tennis bat or just simply...as is quite often ... hand spanked..JUST on my butt... by clients is therefore in effect  nothing in comparison to the painful whipping i will definitely get from Master if i dare to disobediently  use the word 'fuck'.  So when a client says, 'Say 'fxxk' and I won't spank you', I must shake my head and say emphatically 'No' and THAT refusal gives the client the needed momentum and excuse to have my poor butt spanked.

Afterwards I am taken to the bathroom where my client gives me  whole-body rubbing, cleansing and massaging from head to toe -- in particular the holes at my butt cleavage. I look miserably inferior with my cock now having been completely cut off, leaving just a complete blank in between my legs. At just 95 lbs now, I look really childlike in comparison to the dark-skinned student of mine who is bathing me in this picture. 

Many clients have me booked just to have me bathed, because men find it great fun to clean my pussy...having it spread wide open to expose and then toy with  my penis-like clitoris...and then, they like cumming and/or urinating onto my face and breasts while I am being bathed, so that I will need to be bathed all over again. 

My butt, made red and sensitive from having just been spanked/whipped, HURTS  when it is cleansed all over by the coarse-skinned, powerful hands of men, so that the pain I feel there at my butt cheeks makes me moan and beg for mercy but still men keep CLEANING  my sometimes prawn-red butt. 

I kneel down and beg, 'Please Sir...don't rub my butt anymore...it hurts...it really hurts Sir.'  Some men out of kindness and leniency will just stop rubbing me at my butt, but young clients, especially my teenage students, will just keep on rubbing and cleaning my butt, and then they videotape how I tearfully beg for mercy ...on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor... while my bruised butt is being cleaned.

Although I now have a pussy, 80 percent of my clients prefer to have me penetrated in my asshole, which is PAINFUL since my asshole was born small and very tight despite repeated  penetration  by penis of varying sizes...from 3 inches to 8 inches plus...for nearly three years.. Young teenage boys in particular like to have me penetrated there because they say they like to hear my moans from pain --and my pitiable begging for mercy.

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I am patiently lying in bed ...with my most beloved  childhood stuffed toy,  Miss Hello Kitty, at my bedside. to await being stripped naked by my client. I have to learn to play my role as a childlike girl well...or I will be whipped on my butt by the club manager...or sometimes by his wife, who is a middle-aged woman. 

My transition to being a girl and an escort is much harder...a thousandfold harder... than most transgender people because of the male pride I used to have as a male teacher with a university education. The fact that I used to be a crossdresser with freedom in sex activities at night IS an obstruction, and my crossdressing past causes innumerable jams, blocks and clogs here and there...everywhere...on my MtF transition road.

  One moment I want to act and behave like an obedient teenage girl escort  awaiting on my knees to be spanked, humiliated and fucked, another moment...as streams of consciousness re-capturing my past as an educated male teacher keep  swirling  up  like torrents  back into my  mind...I feel that I shouldn't after all be there totally naked serving men in bed -- I should have  gone back to my ctossdressing  past, as a boy at day and a girl at night, and the helplessness of my present situation ...the apparent futility of it all...makes me feel so very sad, so very depressed at times.  Writing about my experience here  in a blog does help, but still that unspeakably huge depression in which I am consistently engulfed is continuing to eat into ...simply gnaws at...most painfully...  the deepest recess of my soul.

The wife of the night club manager is aware of my peculiar problems, and while I am not on duty in bed to serve men, she takes me to the night club kitchen to teach me how to cook different kinds of delicious dishes. She says that if I remain a good girl, she will help me to get married to a rich man. Lots of rich men, she says, are prepared to have an obedient, feminine  post-op ladyboy like me as wife.

She says that  I am already quite good at capturing the heart of  men...making them happy with my bedroom skills and feminine obedience...and if I can cook well...being able to prepare many delicious dishes...I should capture their stomach as well. In her view, if the stomach and the heart of a man, any man, is in my hands...literally...I should have no problem in getting him as my husband. If I can make a man truly love me, he will take care of me, protect me, and cherish me till the end of time. Oh, the bright  future she is painting out for me glows with hope in my imagination. 

That makes me feel happy in moments of my utter despair, and I hope what she says will come true, and I am now consciously trying my best to be not just a housemaid doing simple  cleaning chores -- I hope to be a good cook as well.

After I had been castrated, I became in more ways than one a bizarre human subject...or object...for observation by men. As I said, most of my clients are...still are...my past students, teachers, schoolmates and neighbours - in that order in terms of numbers. Some knew me as their teacher...some knew me as their student...and all the rest knew me as a hardworking obedient boy who often scored good grades at school, albeit looking too small and soft for a boy. 

They don't come to have me booked all at the same time but at different stages of my MtF transition...some came as soon as they knew that I was streetwalking in girls clothes in the period from March 2013 to November 2013...some came after I had been castrated in December 2013 ...for disobedience...to work as a shemale escort ..and some didn't come until the complete removal of my penis, after November 2015.

Most of my past acquaintances...now my clients...were surprised by my physical transformation -- the almost incredulous looks I now have. They are stunned by my feminine facial features, my big boobs, my big round butt...and that particular spot in between my legs keeps on amazing them -- from there being a surprisingly small cock to there being just a penis, and then eventually that is  now tuning into a neat tight little pussy like a teenage girl's.

 None of my students, teachers or schoolmates had seen me on my knees and then whipped on my butt...I had always been so obedient and never merited such shameful  punishment...but now as long as they pay the night club manager, I can be immediately stripped naked in front of them, and then I have to obediently get down on my knees to be spanked and penetrated by them. 

If they pay the club manager  a bit more (USD 5 or 10 for each service), I can be made to do unimaginably humiliating chores, such as getting down at their feet  to allow them to piss onto my face and body --and then quite often, as punishment for not opening my eyes while being pissed on  ...how can I ? There is so much urine, so smelly, showering down on my face...  I am made to drink their urine...and then I can be required to first wash their feet -- and then ....very shamefully indeed...I have to kneel down and use my tongue to lick their feet dry, as you can see in the above picture. 

The picture was taken in February 2014,  two months after my castration. An 18-year-old  student of mine...who I used to teach when he was a small boy in form 2... asked me and my roommate...who had also just been castrated for disobedience by her boyfriend...to wash and then lick dry his toes. 

I would have preferred to close my eyes...to at least mentally escape from  the overwhelming shame I felt...while having his feet licked, but he insisted that I must look at his big, rock-hard erect penis, nearly 7 inches long despite his short height which was just about 5'4"...more or less like my own height.......but as I was forced to open my eyes wide to look at his big penis,  he told me to stroke my own penis to amuse him....oh my penis was so limp...looking odd, almost weird,  in a way since I had no balls  --but while I was stroking it, it unfortunately turned hard a bit...and then the boy said I was not allowed to get hard...I said sorry for getting hard without permission -- and then as usual, I got spanked  for nearly five minutes on my butt with a table tennis bat for that. Which was so unfair, since my penis couldn't possibly get erect after my castration...it was only felt to be hardening when touched -- it wasn't really getting hard, was it ?

 The other girl in the picture didn't... fortunately for her... get hard, and she was told to get a big cup of  icy cold water from the refrigerator to pour onto my hardening penis to make it retract to  a small lump, which made the boy laugh, but which made me feel so ashamed, and my face turned red. While laughing, the boy used his toes to pinch me  on my nipples and my penis, and while he was at it...pinching my nipples and penis,  I was told   to say and keep repeating these words as I was receiving his feet massage, 'Sir, make my nipples big...make my penis small'

 The doctors advise me to have a special tube plugged into my newly constructed pussy to enable  the suspension, width and depth of my pussy to consolidate, stabilize and most importantly to acquire that subtle inner feeling of having the right shape.

 Even now as I am writing this, I am having this tube in my pussy, and I am required to have this on 24/7 for at least another six months. Needless to say, this sort of plugging in of my pussy causes me to sometimes to feel not just hot, but unbearably itchy all over, so that quite often I really  NEED to be penetrated by the penis to seek that much needed relief from the overwhelming itchiness getting over all my body.

When I am not booked to serve clients, I sometimes feel very itchy down there between my legs, where I am plugged into by that tube, so I need to ask my roommate to help. 

My roommate, Eliza, is also a post-op ladyboy escort, and, out of love for her boyfriend, she had allowed her boyfriend to have her castrated last July so she could be sold at a higher price to the night club manager to help pay off the gambling debts incurred by her boyfriend. 

She has much bigger breasts than mine, and was sold to the night club at a much better price than mine...about 1/3 higher...because she knows more than I do about how to serve men. She helps me to seek relief from my intolerably great itchy feeling in my pussy by having a special double-ended vibrator plugged into both of our pussy holes, and she often  takes the active role by pushing the vibrator deep into pussy. I am now able to use with facility this vibrator, so the two of us take turns to push this double-ended  vibrator in and out of our pussy,  repeatedly...many times over...and the relief and comfort of doing that is so great that we have multiple orgasms, getting the bed sheet soaked wet with our pussy dips all over.

My body is now overflowing with female hormones as I am taking six different types of female hormone pills on a daily basis, and I receive injection-type hormones three times a week at respectively, my arms, belly and butt to help sustain my overall feminine appearance -- in particular so that my skin can be creamy white, velvet smooth and soft to touch. 

When there is no client, the lights at my room are kept dim, so that the UV rays radiated from  the room fluorescent lights will not somehow darken my skin. I have to keep fit by doing indoor yoga and/or gymnastic/machine-assisted exercise, because I am not allowed to leave my room which is locked from the outside. When I am on outcall, the club manager will arrange to have me dressed and made up in the way the client wants me to look like.

I may sometimes dress like a lady with heels and heavy makeup, but more often my hair is bound into a pony/ponies and I am dressed like a little schoolgirl.

Each of us girls is assigned one bodyguard so he can protect us in case something happens while we are on an outcall. If a client bullies me while I am on an outcall, this boy...this bodyguard...is the only one who can help me. Where possible, my boy bodyguard will just negotiate with the client if something goes wrong, and will not use physical force unless deemed absolutely necessary. 

Once, for example, when I was on outcall to meet one of my old schoolmates...one of the naughties students at school...he bullied me by saying that the last time he met me, I had a penis, and now he didn't see my penis there, and so he would like to have me whipped with a big rod....the rod was too big and would cause too much pain so I refused to accept my punishment. My bodyguard intervened and eventually the matter was settled with me just being punished by just having to drink my schoolmate's urine by allowing him to pee direct into my mouth -- as punishment for my not having a penis.

Therefore I am grateful to my bodyguard and I often let him fuck me at no cost to him, as you can see in the above picture.

As ladyboys, our penis...even while we still have it pre-op...is never hard or firmly erect enough for actual penetration --the female hormones we are taking on a daily basis make that most difficult if not  impossible.

There are however occasions when clients have two or three of us booked as a 3-p team, and then we need to put on a strap-on dildo, which we use to penetrate each other. If however we can do it with our own penis, we will be paid much more for our performance.

For nearly a year after my castration, I was booked to do this kind of 3-p layer-fucking by some of my clients, again mainly my students. The girl on the top level usually has a full cock...being at the beginning of MtF transition...so she is often capable of getting hard enough to penetrate...at least feebly...the girl at the middle level. At times the topmost girl could still be as strong as a normal boy, and the girl right beneath her is often seen to be moaning in pain through being penetrated so hard in her asshole. The girl at the lowest level...the one closest to the floor...has the weakest penis.

 After my castration, I was often chosen to be at the middle level with a strap-on dildo to make up for the impotence and softness of my own castrated penis. I was never at the lowest level since clients want to see that girl get hard while being fucked with a strap-on dildo. As I was NOT allowed to get hard, I could only play the middle-level role, and I tried my best to get the girl beneath me visibly hard, just to prove to the client/s that I was obedient and doing my job. 

The girl on top of me...at the topmost level...is more a transvestite than a real ladyboy, as she often just has silicon-implanted breasts and is not on female hormones regularly. So she was in my experience sometimes stronger than a man, and the pain I was suffering in my asshole was so great that I usually needed to hold a ball pen with my teeth to stop myself from impolitely yelling out in pain.

 If the client would like to get more fun by hearing how I yelled out in pain, he could just take that ball pen off my mouth, and then I was expected to yell and moan as much as I could -- even at times ...just to please my client...faking pain although the penis in my asshole might not be that strong after all


Although this sort of 3-p layer performance is done as a group, I would  unfortunately be the  ONLY one to be whipped on my butt in case of client complaint...since I am (still am) a slave girl...but other ladyboy escorts are usually just on freelance contracts and would just be dismissed for incompetence -- they are never whipped/spanked like me.

Pictures 1 - 3 Below  :  To compensate for the loss of my appeal as a post-op ladyboy, I am giving my clients an additional service, at no extra charge to them. It is that I use my breasts, nipples and pussy to massage, caress and touch all the sensitive spots on my client's body, for example, his nipples, his groin, his penis and his butt cleavage where his asshole is. I get myself perfumed thoroughly, from head to toe, so that my skin doesn't just feel smooth and soft,  but it also gives out a sweet, almost fragrant scent from those spots which matter most to men. 

And then I climb on top of my client's body, using my breasts, nipples, pussy and the inner sides of my thighs to caress and gently slide over...up and down...the client's body.  Clients in different age groups enjoy this kind of body massage and young boys, in particular, thinks that it is a real change and treat for their penis to be massaged and caressed by my pussy and nipples, which in nine cases out of ten successfully give them the erection they need to have me penetrated long and hard, like a real man, which is what they all want.


Picture 1

Picture 2

Picture 3

As an escort I have to undergo whole-body medical checkup once every week, so that if and when I contract some sort of S T D, or sexually transmissible disease, it could be dealt with at its initial stages. 

As I was a teacher and my clients consist mostly of my past students, schoolmates, teachers and neighbourhood friends...in that order in terms of numbers...I am not at high risk where being infected with a disease is concerned. The majority of my clients do not normally buy sex from girls anywhere in Malaysia or Thailand,  and over 80 per cent of them are, by their own confession, buying sex just from me -- because of my strange background in having been a man and a male teacher.

 They say that I am the one and only escort they know of who had been a man, a university graduate and a teacher. This unusual background of mine causes them to feel sooooo turned on when they have me stripped naked, spanked and then fucked hard in all my holes. 

They like to hear my moans and begging for mercy, because they remember me as a high-achieving top boy student at school, and  I was also widely known in my hometown as a highly commended teacher who used to be able to discipline the naughtiest students in class.

 The fact that I now prostrate...on my hands and knees...at their feet....with my neck bound in chain and collar...gives them the highest possible erection they have ever experienced in their lives. For that reason although the number of my clients has dropped by over 30 per cent since my sex reassignment surgery, my clients...students, schoolmates, teachers and colleagues at school...are gradually coming back to have me booked, albeit in a steady, trickling stream rather than in a flooding torrent.

As I said, most of my clients are either my students or my schoolmates. I  find my schoolmates far more considerate to me than any one of my students, because with my students, I feel being bullied, because they want to unnecessarily humiliate me so as to strip me of pride in having once been a university-educated schoolteacher.

 This ' desire for revenge' on me, though  keeping these young clients come back to have me booked  in all my different physical states...small-cock ladyboy, castrated shemale, post-op (female) escort...makes me very ill at ease, because I needn't to always be reminded that I was once a male teacher.

With my schoolmates, I am much more comfortable. They remember me as an obedient, hardworking student who avoided having contact with girl schoolmates, although the girls kept SWARMING  up to me on all sorts of excuses...such as helping them with their English...but I turned them all off,  thereby giving my boy schoolmates the chance they needed to date those girls who had been frustrated by my turning them off, not paying attention to them, and purposely turned on my back on them whenever they wanted to flirt with me, ' that Pretty Boy', as they called me.

Now that I am also a girl, the majority of my schoolmates who have me booked like me for that, because of the humility I showed as a boy - when the boys scolded me for 'getting sweet' on their girlfriends, I apologized immediately...explained to them it was all a misunderstanding...and if needed I just got down on my knees to say 'sorry' to them. When some boy schoolmates bullied me by having my trousers pulled down to 'see why I am so sissy' and when they saw that my penis was so soft, small and short, they laughed, I dared not resist...I just got down on my knees to beg...to sob...and to kowtow to... them to let me go. 

Some boys chose to play with my small penis at the toilet, caressing me on my butt -- but I never reported them  to the discipline teachers. My face was often flushed red with shame after being touched on my butt and penis by the boys at the toilet, and when the teachers saw that and asked me what had happened to me, I just said that I had sensitive skin which reacted negatively to the hot sun. I dared not say anything...I had been taking female hormones, and my body was so soft...without muscles...the boys were so strong...with hard and muscular limbs...I was afraid of being punished by them for saying anything against them. Sometimes at night, my penis felt quite painful because of having been twisted, pulled or even sucked by the boys...I sobbed...wetting my pillow  with tears...but I dared not say anything.

So most of my schoolmates are treating me very kindly, and in those days when I still had a penis...March 2013 to November 2015...they seldom used the rod on my penis, because they pitied me for having such small, short and soft penis...and castrated too...and they just hand spanked me during that 'being spanked routine' required of me as a submission escort.

Actually it was they...my schoolmates...who donated some money  to help me pay for my expensive sex change surgery in Paraguay, south America. They knew that my poor little penis was often punished by being squeezed, twisted and even whipped by my naughty students, and they believed that my life as an escort would be easier if I had my penis cut off altogether. 

Yes I am earning much less now since I have no more penis, but that frustrating TENSE and PAINFUL  'penis punishment' I had been receiving from my naughty students is gone for ever.

(Picture Above  : My schoolmates like caressing my breasts, using their fingers to draw small circles round and round my nipples, making them stand firm and erect. I like being touched by their big, coarse-skinned fingers, because the friction they cause on my soft, sensitive skin makes me feel so comfortable, and my pussy often gets wet after this sort of breast massage.)

Picture Above  : I was raised as a girl at home by Papa so I just did housework like any girl...I never participated in the rough-and-tumble games of the boys. 

So my hands are kept soft, white and small. In my days as student, the boys sitting next to me  liked touching me on my hands while in class, and they like holding me by my hand on the pretext of helping me to cross some school footpaths with big holes, which in fact I shouldn't have needed that because anybody could see that there were holes up ahead.

 I knew that they liked touching me on my small white hands -- so I just let them, just to avoid being bullied by them.  Now as a girl, I am ALWAYS asked to give them a hand job, so they can see my pretty hands moving around their cock.

Picture Above : Since being raised as girl at the age of 13, I was never allowed to get hard...my penis was bound and wrapped tight to stunt its growth, so it could remain soft, small and short. As soon as I got hard without permission, Papa would have me whipped. So I LIKE being caressed...pulled or even pinched...at my nipples. I enjoy the sensational feeling of having hard, erect nipples to compensate for that wonderful feeling that I see men/boys all have when getting hard, which I was unfortunately NOT  allowed to have when I myself still had a penis.

Although I have been blogging for some time, I am NOT using my blogs to attract more clients. Those who read my blogs are usually native English speakers living far away in America and Europe, so that now as ever, my clients are still mainly my students and schoolmates. Most of them are so very poor in English that they wouldn't even understand what I am writing in my blogs, much less being attracted to have me booked BECAUSE of my blog writings.  Here in this picture, a student mine was s asking me to masturbate in front of him. I notice that he eventually cummed after observing my masturbation.

It is now three years after my castration and over half a year since the complete removal of my penis...along with  the construction of a pussy at the spot where my penis had been ...but my boys...those who I used to teach several years ago...are never tired of being my F B I, or Female Body Inspectors.

 All of those who I used to teach in matriculation class are either now at work or at university, having become fully grown adults during all these years of my MtF transition. Yes many were...and some still are...very harsh on me, never letting go any chance or excuse of having me spanked/caned butt bare, but their longstanding, continuing support...having me regularly booked, some doing that twice a week...has allowed me to pay off my debts and those expenses I had been incurring through undergoing  various feminization and sex change surgeries.

 So to be honest, I now am able to SMILE...showing natural laughter...  while being touched, caressed and fucked by my students, whereas formerly I just couldn't do that, me not having successfully broken all those psychologically frustrating mental blocks and barriers of fully accepting my new role in life as an obedient girl ready and willing to be disciplined by men/boys just to please them -- at the expense of putting aside my pride and dignity.... you know, this being spanked butt bare and being chained business.


(Picture Below : At the time when I  (third from left, the smiling girl) took this picture, I had been castrated for nearly 16 months. All the girls in this picture are ladyboys like me, and ALL had been castrated for over a year. It is NOT possible for ANY person born male to acquire those natural, softly inviting looks in the EYES if he hasn't undergone castration. 

The retention of the testicles means that the daily secretion of testosterone will give the eyes those hard, fixed-gazing looks typical of  male eyes.  All of us in the picture are feeling HAPPY because we finally have those soft, feminine looks in our eyes -- which we had  DESPERATELY wanted all our lives.)